This is not a post about Twitter-etiquette

Let’s take a look at 10 easy steps how to properly behave on Twitter. Get this right and you might dramatically increase your followers!

  • You want to brag about visiting fancy foreign places, but don’t do it directly, instead say something like “i hate jet lag”, “damn London foggy weather”. Your awesomeness is doubled, so is your arrogance. A picture might also work. Keep in mind you are either texting people who aren’t able of taking such a trip or people that are too accustomed to traveling they don’t give a damn about your experience. Max annoyance
  • Be a hater. Rhetorically. Especially if you’re a girl. “If you wear a short skirt, at least shave your legs!” or “Why pay that much for a concert when all you get instead is a cold rain??”. And text that during the concert, from at home. Yes, we know you wanted to be there, but since you’re a hater, you wouldn’t admit it and instead throw garbage. Sour grapes, we know it.
  • Act as if you are smarter than big corporations. Or political parties. “Why would Microsoft buy such a thing? That’s stupid!”. Yes, we know you know it all, you’re the expert, no matter the subject.
  • Ask survey-questions and don’t thank anyone. As a matter of fact, never answer or mention anyone less cool than you.
  • Once a month use the word “entrepreneur”. Oh oh! And definitely put it in the bio!
  • Complain about something exquisite or rare as if you’re complaining about something common. Or complain about traffic jams. You know you want to post a pic of your awesome car interior. Perfect occasion!
  • Act as if your life is ruined without your expensive gadgets. “Somebody borrow me an iPhone! Don’t you want me to tweet you”? (as if twitter only works on iPhone). Or “I miss my iPad”.
  • Ask stupid questions when you would normally find the answer using Google search. “What’s the maximum number of rows a spreadsheet can have?” “How do I play an .flv file?” “Where can I get iTunes?”
  • Daily, or at least weekly, post pictures of your intimate life: trips, barbeques, what did you cook lately (must sound or look exotic/foreigner!), boyfriend/girlfriend pics that don’t interest anyone except your fans, new furniture, the landscape from your window.
  • Complain about the difficult decisions you have to take: “Should I visit Paris, or should I go to the sea-side?”. Beats me..

I may be wrong, I may not be wrong, but please, think twice before posting something and read it as if you were somebody else. Connect to people and feel them as you want them to feel you.